A Journey Beyond The Logical Mind

Salam.

Okay, this time no fancy intro, lets just go on to the main point, all rite?

1. RM 1000 in my pocket. (entah muat entah tidak). With my own money, I can buy whatever I want, without GUILT. I can buy that pretty shoe I saw, and I can buy that 'Tudung Bidang 60' that I want to wear so much, and I can buy presents for anybody, I can pay for my own piano class, I can enrol in other classes as well, I can help people in need...... Sigh... It doesn't have to be RM 1000, it can be any amount of money more than RM 10. What I really want is the FREEDOM to spend it the way I like it, without people saying anything, and without 'menyusahkan' other people..
2. Driver's Licence. The key to my freedom!!!! You know what? Being so-called 'underaged' is seriously driving me crazy! I mean, what's wrong with a 16-going-on-17 girl like me be allowed to drive???? I mean, I don't think there's any difference in the level of 'Kematangan' (matureness) or level of 'kebijaksanaan' (wiseness) between a 16-year-old and a 17-year-old right? I don't think I will get any maturer or wiser next year compared to this year... You guys wondering why I want to drive so much? I tell you why! Because I can Work if I can Drive (paling tak pun, ambil adik2 pegi sekolah dan balik sekolah, bolehlah mintak upah kat mummy..), I can Go Out With My Friends if I can Drive (no need to disturb my parents, asking them to send me to QbAY la, then pick me up la... whatsoever), I can Go To Some College for a class or something.. and the list just goes on and on and on and on.. (you get the idea rite?)
3. Laptop. Just so I can download anything without feeling GUILTY or WORRIED. Example: YM and The Sims.
4. New Handphone. Actually what I want is a new keypad. Mine is just so noisy. click,click,click.... And I can't even text message when I'm in the car because people will complain that my phone is just so noisy! And I will gladly appreciate a handphone with coloured background.. I mean, my 9-year-old cousin has a handphone With a CAMERA and MMS and COLOURED Background.. And FYI, my mom promised to get my form 2 sister a new phone if she gets 3As. 3As?? Oh my god! And you know what? My brother got his first phone this year, and he is not even nine! FYI, I got my first (second-hand) phone after my UPSR. What's happening to FAIRNESS?
5. Piano. Just so I can practice playing it. Not-so-needed la. But still needed if I want to achieve my goal of reaching Grade 3 before the end of May. Now I am in the second fifth of Grade 2 (just rough estimation)
6. Camera. I meant my own CAMERA. I would gladly accept a digital one, mind you.
7. AAA Batteries. This one is for my Mp3.
8. New Earphone. This one is also for my Mp3. My right earphone is 'rosak' already...

Okay, okay, I know that I am not being grateful and all.. That's why I'm going to stop now. Again, it's not them that I want. What I want is freedom, like the one I got during my stay in Langkawi. I know all of you would be puzzled when I said that I got my freedom in Langkawi.. Allow me to explain.

In Langkawi, I can do whatever I want. I can play whatever I want, wherever I want, and with whomever I want. Example: I love to play basketball in the mornings of Jumaat and Sabtu, and of course at the basketball court la, but nobody can say NO! Nobody can say that I was doing something wrong, and nobody is there to hurt me.

In Langkawi, I can go out for outings. That was one of the most wonderful experiences in my life. I mean, I can go out and buy anything I want without asking my mother for money! It's not that my parents are not giving me the opportunity to buy things, but you know, I am feeling sooooo 'MENYUSAHKAN' whenever I asked them for money.

Langkawi gives me the freedom to manage my own time, doing things at my own pace. For example, I can eat if I want to eat, and I can skip meals if I want to. I can wash clothes in the evening, or I can wash it late at night. I can 'kemas my locker' whenever I want (usually bila dah sangat2 semak).. I can share my stories with my buddies, because they understand me more. I mean, there are quite a lot of things that I told my friends but my family didn't have any idea about it to say the least.

In Langkawi, I have A LOT of secret places where I can go and just be alone. Examples: Class, basketball court, the stairs in front of Ustazah Rasyidah's home, the stairs at other warden's home, the piece of land at the right-hand side of the Ladies' Surau, and 10001 lot more. I can think about just anything there and I can cry or whatever with ease. It's really special.. I never felt so ME..

Oh yes, in Langkawi, I can wear whatever I want WITHOUT people saying things like 'eee, tudung kakak macam ustazah', or 'kenapa kakak keluar mesti kakak pakai stoking ngan kasut?' or 'kenapa kakak tak sempang tudung?'. Aaaargh!!!!!! That's why if you'd ever pay close attention to what I'm wearing whenever I go out, you would notice that my clothes are usually the same. I mean, I just wear my Cheetah's long sleeve t-shirts and my two pairs of jeans (plus tudung). I didn't wear my 3/4 shirts, I mean, I would if people won't say things like 'kenapa kakak pakai handsocks?'.

FYI, in Langkawi, I am a BADAR. Yes, I am A BADAR. I tell people this and I tell people that. But I didn't do it to the people nearest to me. Why? Because I am SUCH A LOSER. And believe me, I am feeling so HORRIBLE. What I did was to just pray for Allah's hidayah and show them examples.

No, don't judge me for anything. And please, don't judge the person nearest to me.

Please?

Thank you.

And you can do me a lot of favour if you can turn back time.

Just for the record, this is me.

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent. You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored. You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts. And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.