A Journey Beyond The Logical Mind

Salam to all.

This new song by David Archie and Miley Cyrus is really really sweet!


When I saw you over there
I didn’t mean to stare
But my mind was everywhere
I wanna know you

Gonna guess that you’re the kind
To say what’s on your mind
But you listen when
I have something to show you

There’s a mark above your eye
You got it in July
You’re fighting for your sister’s reputation

You remember people’s names
And Valentine's are lame
So I bring you flowers just for no occasion

I wanna know you
I wanna go there where you go
I wanna find out what you know
And maybe someday down the road
Sit back and say to myself
Yeah, I thought so

You smile and never shout

Salam to all.

Sometimes, I just hate the fact that I'm a teenager. Normal teenager. Normal, often-stupid teenager. Normal, often-stupid teenager who always repeat the same mistake again and again, fall into the same trap again and again. Urghhhhh! I just hate the word 'teenager' and 'remaja' and other words of the same meaning.

Can't I just be a kid? I feel smarter that way.

Okay, okay, I'm grateful.

Salam to all.
I got this from my friend (Qurratul Ain)'s blog.

The Five Levels of Prayer

Ibn al-Qayyim writes in his book al-Wabil al-Sayyib:"When it comes to prayer, people are of five levels:

* The first is the level of the one who wrongs himself and is negligent. He does not do wudu properly, or pray at the right time or make sure he does all the necessary parts of prayer.

* The second is one who observes the outward essentials of prayer, prays on time and does wudu, but he has lost the battle against his own self and is overwhelmed with waswaas (insinuations).

* The third is one who observes the outward essentials of prayer, prays on time and does wudu, and also strives against his own self and against waswaas, but he is preoccupied with his struggle against his enemy (Shaytan), lest he steal from his prayer, so he is engaged in salah and jihad at the same time.

* The fourth is one who when he stands up to pray, he fulfils all the requirements of the prayer, and his heart is fully focused and alert lest he omit anything, and his concern is to do the prayer properly and perfectly. His heart is deeply immersed in his prayer and worship of his Lord.

* The fifth is one who does all of that, but he takes his heart and places it before his Lord, looking at his Lord with his heart and focusing on Him, filled with love and adoration, as if he is actually seeing Him. That waswaas and those thoughts diminish, and the barriers between him and his Lord are lifted. The difference between the prayer of this person and the prayer of anyone is else is greater than the difference between heaven and earth. When this person prays, he is preoccupied with his Lord and content with Him.


The first type is punishable;
the second is accountable;
the third is striving so he is not counted as a sinner;
the fourth is rewarded and
the fifth is drawn close to his Lord, because he is one of those for whom prayer is a source of joy.

Whoever finds their joy in prayer in this life, will find their joy in being close to Allah in the Hereafter, and will also find his joy in Allah in this world. Whoever finds his joy in Allah will be content with everything, and whoever does not find his joy in Allah, will be destroyed by his feelings of grief and regret for worldly matters."

Source: http://www.geocities.com/mutmainaa/prayer/5_levels.html

Oh God, what have I done all this time?

Salam to all.

This is the video our team did for our Islamic Studies Project.
To all my teammates, excellent job people!!!
Well it may not be high tech and I admit there's a lot of room for improvement, but the main purpose of our video is to get the message across. What kind of message? Just see for yourself and make your own conclusion.

So, enjoy!

Salam to all.

I just love to curl in my bed with a good book in hand.
Hmm.. I'm gonna quit trying to upload videos into my blog. Such a waste of time. They just work halfway and then POOF, error. And youtube pun tak guna. Cis.

Friday - Woke up a lil bit late than usual. Suppose to be an off-day from college but I have to settle a few stuff regarding the Uni application. Breakfast at the Kedai Mamak 23 Jam with the rest of the household (except kina). We're kinda lucky that morning because we don't have to wait for Rapid's T523.

So, arrived at college, trying to prove to Mrs. Quek that Mrs. Hoe can sign on behalf of the Justice of Peace, printed and photostated a few documents, clipped things here and there and FINALLY, I submitted the JCU and UNSW application. A tonne lifted, YEAY!. Was fined RM 1.00 for returning two books a day late. Borrowed The Client (again, because it's a really good book, trust me! Try to click on that book on your right-hand side.. I've linked it to a Wikipedia article), Angels and Demons and another non-fiction book. Met Wan and hugged her goodbye.

Called Mama Shima to ask if she could drive me to the airport tomorrow. Of course she said sure and even offered me to stay at her place for the night. She'll pick me up sometime in the evening, she added. And I thought, Uh-oh, will I have the time to pack? And so I rushed back home, changing the plan from taking the 3.30pm bus to 2.00pm bus. Rushed to Mydin with Dell to get something very,very important. Got home at 2.45pm and was dead shocked to get a message from Mama Shima saying she'll be here at 3.15pm.

With my side of the room looking like it had been ransacked a mess, my luggage still empty, the clothes I've soaked this morning still unwashed and another 1001 things to do, I called Ayah Mie, trying to ask for a delay. Gratefully, he granted me an additional 45 mins. Hooh~ And so, with speed approaching the speed of light I quickly washed the clothes (not that much really, mostly baju kurung~), hang them without squeezing the water out, prayed, and packed, packed, packed. Fuh~ I was a few minutes late, but still~ I gotta tell ya, I do wonders in times of stress, haha! My brain really worked that time and I just love the adrenaline..

At Mama Shima's, I played with lil Rayyan, though he was not open to me at first. Ate a hearty dinner, chit chatted and all of us (Mama Shima, Lynn, Faudia, Sasha and me) watced Boys Over Flowers (Korean version of Meteor Garden. Comment: Dao Ming Si and Hua Zhe Lei are more attractive than Jun Pyo and Ji Hoo, haha! But Jun Pyo looks far richer than Dao Ming Si and sillier too..) Friday was quite an adventure, haha!

Saturday - Normal lazy Saturday. Ikha arrived but we didn't talk much, she's busy getting ready for prom and I'm getting ready for my flight, scheduled at 1.20pm. Ayah Mie and Mama Shima took me to the airport *thank you so much!* and I do the usual things.

The Subang Airport looks really modern and I love the star-like lamps a lot! Boarded the FY2090 and was quite surprised to see that the flight is not full. Got the seat next to the window but the sun was shining so bright, I had to pull the shade down. Saw an old lady carrying a child, but sadly, the child was not a normal child. I've seen a child like this before but I wasn't sure what that condition is called. She's such a patient person and I don't know if I can be as patient as her to handle such situation.

Safely arrived at Penang an hour later and was disappointed because there's no H1N1 screening.. Haih~ kecewa, kecewa.. Had a wonderful lunch at Pak Abu's Ilyana Cafe with the whole family, the first time in two months. Lepak lepak at home. Then, dinner at Kapitan's. Watched a thriller ancient Thai movie, in which I don't like one bit because it's too violent. I just love Gurney Drive~

Sunday - Normal morning. Went to Gurney Plaza *love it!!!*, lunched at the Food Court, hit the Body Glove store and bought a nice T-shirt for RM 1.00!!!!!! Best, best.. And.. Bought two Body Shop's body mist for 30% less. Wahaha! What a bargain! I've been eyeing for the Mandarin Orchid for quite some time actually.. After Gurney, we dropped by at QBay because Naim insists on his CounterStrike.. Heh, boys and games cannot be separated..

Monday - Driving class starts at 7. As usual, Uncle commented that I drive "..macam kartun.." Haih~ Shopping again, this time at Sunshine. My mom got herself two item and I got myself a flowery shirt. Flowery? Hmmm.. Paid a visit to Dr. Looi. Naim's braces doing him good but he still need to wear it. Since I'm not wearin my retainer like I'm supposed to, I was quite nervous of seeing Dr. Looi. Fuh~ He didn't say anything much..

Had late lunch at Kayu. The night was filled with me tutoring my siblings. Mimi for math and Naim for music. Really tested my patience. I cannot be mad at Mimi *although she's being kinda loud at times* because it will turn into a fight and she would just walk off like that and that'll make me look like a big bully who is *kedekut ilmu*. Haih~

Tuesday - Normal morning -curled up in bed with The Client-. Normal day. Normal evening. Just the way I like it. Driving class started at 6pm. I was a bit late *sorry Uncle*. Managed the track quite well, except during the time when Uncle reminded me of ways to handle the 'bukit'.. It made me 'cuak' and so, I failed to do it nicely. Normal night.

Oh yeah, all the best to Mimi and all my friends whose currently facing their exam.

From right: Mama Shima, Sasha, Che Je, Tok We, Suja.
Location: In front of Masjid Nabawi.
Time : After Subuh prayers.

Salam to all.

These are taken from my aunt's blog. About my Grandma (Tok We).


9th May 2009.

sedih tgk we...
kalo dulu...dia tak reti duk diam....
ada jer benda dia nak buat.....
skrg tak leh lagi.....we kena stroke....dah sebulan doktor kata...tp dia sendiri tak tau dia kena stroke...

until abg lan dtg umah....tgk kaki we dah sejuk....kebas....masa tu we tak rasa apa2 pun...
terus abg lan tepon kak na....
kak na balik...dan bawa we pegi perdana....
admit....doktor sahkan we kena stroke...

zidee call...dia kat klia...on d way balik penang...
pastu dia terus balik kelantan...
aku pun balik mlm tu jugak...

pagi sabtu...jenguk we kat spital...
we sebak...sbb masa tu abg mie ngan kk shimah pun baru sampai dari KL...
aku tunggu we kat spital...sedih sgt....
we nak pegi bilik air pun kena tolong...

aku tolong mandikan we...
mlm tu zikri pun temankan we kat spital...
mengerekot kitorang berdua tido atas toto...
subuh...zikri balik...dan tghari dia balik jitra...

ahad pagi....we ada pemeriksaan...salur darah ke jantung sempit sikit....
thats why we kena stroke....sbb oksigen tak sampai ke otak...

ptg ahad dah leh discharge.....aku ambik turn jaga we kat umah...
aku balik KL ari kamis...

kamis pagi tu...we nak ambik sendiri ubat...
aku nak tolong...we kata....takper....aku kena belajar ambik sendiri...ko dah nak balik...

nangis aku masa tu...
aku kata kat we...org balik sekejap jer...sbb ada test ari sabtu...ahad org balik smula...

we pandang aku....aku ckp...org kesian kat we....

terus we nangis...we tanya aku...abis tu...camner ngan keje ko....
aku kata.....takper...pandai2 lah org settle kan...

org jaga we sampai nana balik....last paper dia ari selasa...
tp mungkin org takleh tunggu next appointment we ari ahad....

aku betul2 harap we sihat kembali....sedih bila tgk dia berjalan guna tongkat...

happy mother's day!!!




18th May 2009.

diari aku setiap ari masa jaga we...

6.15 : otomatik aku terjaga bila bunyi tongkat we masa nak ke bilik air...aku setia dpn bilik air tunggu we siap...

7.00 : aku wat milo panas utk we bila aku tgk we dah siap baca yassin...skrg we cuma baca dgn volume yg sgt slow....sbb rahang dia masih tak kuat...(abg lan suppose kena admit 12hb...we siap pesan...wat lah semayang hajat utk dia...aku dah tak leh nak wat mcm dulu...nangis aku....we tak pernah lupa utk wat semayang hajat kalo ada anak cucu yg nak ambik exam atau anak cucu sakit...aku ingat lg...ajip nak kena operate....we sampai mintak org masjid wat semayang hajat)

7.30 : pegi beli sarapan

8.15 : we sarapan....we cuma leh makan nasi sup jer....sbb rahang dia still rasa kebas...mkn ubat....ada 3 jenis...

9.00 : we berjalan ngan tongkat pegi kat grill...nak tgk bunga katanya...orkid we byk dah berbunga....senyum2 dia tgk orkid dia berkembang....satu kebahagian yg tak terkira bila aku tgk we senyum....pastu aku wat teh o panas utk we

10.30 : wat quacker oat kat we...minum milo...

12.30 : beli lauk utk tghari

1.15 : we masuk bilik air....mandi ngan ambik ari semayang....aku nak letak air panas...we kata takper....

1.30 : aku sapu minyak panas kat kaki kanan we...sejuk sgt (aku cuba tahan air mata dari kuar)

2.00 : we mkn nasi...pun ngan sup jugak....mkn ubat....satu jer...minum teh o panas

2.30 : aku teman kan we tgk wonderpets....we kata lg best dari tgk citer indon (aku angkat tv kecik arwah ayah yg kat bwh letak kat bilik we....at least dia tak rasa bosan....skrg ni semua pakat lepak dlm bilik we....wpun tv kat luar lg besar....tp tetap gak nak tgk kat bilik we)

5.00 : we mkn biskut/roti ngan air delima yg abg lan beli...

7.30 : we semayang maghrib....baca quran pastu terus isyak...

8.30 : we mkn nasi....pun ngan sup....sian.....mana nak ada tenaga kalo itu jer menu....we kata dia tak larat nak mengunyah.....mkn ubat...2 jenis...minum teh o panas...

9.30 : we dah tido....sapa kata susah nak jaga we...we tak byk bagi aku masalah...17hb we ada appointment ngan doktor norita...nana ngan kak je yg bawak...doktor kata lutut we dah bengkak...ubat kena tambah lg 2 jenis...kalo tak baik jugak...baru ambik alternatif lain....injek...bila masuk bhg terapi....en.nasir kata...we takut nak berjalan sbb guna tongkat tu....dia suggest guna tongkat lain.....pastu terapi kena pegi setiap sabtu...tadi nana msg aku...we pening bila mkn ubat lutut (sendi) tu...dia nak stop...

My mom and Tok We. Location: Inside a tour bus (at a stop near Masjid Quba')

Tok we, I love you!

Salam to all.

I don't want to be drifted away from You.
I hate this emptiness.

Hati kosong. Rasa jauh. Khusyu' tiada. Hati mati?
Nauzubillah min zalik.
Tengok benda mungkar, hati kata apa?
Buat benda mungkar, hati kata apa?
Cakap benda mungkar, hati kata apa?
Hati, jangan mati. Please?
Please, Allah, help me.
Makin hari makin jauh.
Tak. Aku tak nak!

Cuba. Cuba lagi. Cuba hayati.
Lawan. Lawan lagi. Lawan kata hati. Ikut kata akal.
Kalau akal ada iman.

Tanya pada akal,
Ada tak iman pada anda?
Kata akal,
Aku percaya kepada Allah,
Aku percaya kepada Malaikat,
Aku percaya kepada Kitab,
Aku percaya kepada Rasul,
Aku percaya kepada Hari Kiamat,
Aku percaya kepada Qada' dan Qadar.

Sekadar percaya?
Akal ditanya.
Akal tersentak.
Malu.
Tunduk.
Tak. Aku tak nak sekadar percaya.
Aku nak hidup.
Hidupkan Rukun Iman.
Please, Allah, help me.

Salam to all.

A lot happened lately.

I don't know where to start.

Erm, last two weeks, my family (excluding me) went to Kelantan to visit Tok Wea, who was hospitalised. Something about TIA, I think. Currently Tok Wea is under the care of Kak Nana and is still going through physiotherapy. Mom said the physiotherapist are not that happy with Tok Wea, because Tok Wea pushed herself too hard to walk. Mom said that Tok Wea wants to walk so badly because she wants to go to Australia or Nz to see me there... (This just adds to the pressure I face, really~) InsyaAllah I'll be there..

Tok Kalsom was not feeling that good either. I got report from an underground reporter (you know who you are.. haha) and she mentioned that Tok experienced pain at her neck and her back. And fever too. But Tok always say that she's okay.. I hope she really does.

And yeah. The UNSW and JCU application. Seriously taken a loooooooooootttttttt of my time to figure out what to write. UNSW= at least 6 hours. JCU= at least 6 hours. Crazee lah. The whole week before the exam was burned. Oh, thank you Mr. Chong for being my referee.

Teacher's day. The card is so lovely! J2 is certainly full of creative minds! I contacted almost all teachers that I know. Miss them lots! Thank you to all teachers who had taken a minute of their time to reply.. To those who don't, there's three possibilities. 1st: I sent that Happy Teacher's Day message to the wrong number *Most possible reason, haha*. 2nd: The teacher didn't have enough credit at that time to reply. 3rd: The teacher don't know who I am and was afraid to reply.. haha. Anyway, thank you teachers! Without all of you, I'm just a stupid nobody.

The TKD Grading. Alhamdulillahhhhhhhhhhhh.. After much practice *credits to seniors especially Victor and Aiman* I passed double grading with not-so-flying-colours (mostly C's, a few C-s, and one C+, haha). Place : Sunway Uni College. Date : 13th May 2009. Congratulations to Athirah too! Don't play a fool with her, she's a Red belt holder already you know!

Erm, what else ah?

Yeap, how can I forget. The dreaded, most hated, the one thing that keeps me awake in the middle of the night, EXAMINATION.

Physix : Crazee. I left 2 questions minimum.
English : Crazee. Man, I don't know how to synthesise the ideas for the first question. And in the second question, I kinda drifted a lil bit.
Biology : Crazee. I left 1 question minimum.
Maths : Crazee. But AMAZINGLY, I answered ALL questions! Yeayyyyyy! First time I think.. But I didn't say I am confident that all of them are correct. One thing for sure, I definitely got wrong for the graph question..
Chemistry : King. Winner of the CRAZIEST paper. Giler giler giler giler susah. Giler. Like mom said, berserah je kat tuhan..

Teh and Farha's joint birthday celebration at Carls Jr., Sunway Pyramid. Thanks Zubet for that lovely Fish burger. Sodap giler *ye laaaaaaa mahal giler kot* And the fries was lovely!!!!!!

On Friday, went to Taylors for a few reasons.. Settling the documents with Placement Centre was the main thing. And oh. I felt like crying when I hugged Wan goodbye. It's weird though. I just got to know her for like a few months but I feel really sad of the fact that I cannot see her again at Taylors. Why? Erm, maybe because I feel good whenever I talk to her, even for a short while.We had this little thing we do when we see each other, right Wan? She'll be leaving for Canada. I'll definitely miss her. All the best, my friend.

Salam to all.

I don't know if you're going to read this or not.

I've been selfish. I just think about me, me and me. I just care about what i want. I just complain and complain. i keep spending your money on something that is far from beneficial. I keep doing things that you don't like me doing. I always forget your advice, your attention and most definitely your love for me.

I always think that I'm right. Remember the time when you want me to go to MRSM? I said I don't want to go. The whole preparation for my transfer to Langkawi was eagerly done by you. From the very beginning, you got me the form and towards the end, you have spent a fortune just to get me ready for my boarding school life.

What was in my mind at that time? I was reluctant to go. It was clearly reflected on my face, I guess. But you didn't show that you're upset.

But, my experience at Langkawi was really an eye opener. It was a good thing to listen to you, and I should have known better. I'm glad I listened to you.

I don't know what else to say. It is my fault if you feel unappreciated. I don't know how hard it is to raise me. I don't know how many nights you have to sleep at the hospital wards just to keep me company. I don't know how much money you have spent for me, food, fancy clothes, school, insurance, extra classes, medical expenses, TIME.. I don't know how mentally frustrating it is to deal with me. I don't know how my face looked like when you're mad at me. I don't know how many rakaats of solat hajat you did for me. I don't know how worried you are about my well-being. I don't know how I made you feel everytime I said something.

You always surprise me. I expected you to scold me whenever I got poor exam results, but you didn't. You said that it's okay. It's okay to be at the bottom sometimes. And I wondered, why do I have to have such a negative perception on you. Argh. I hate myself. Arghhhhhh.

I love you mom, even if it is not reflected in the way I do things.
I love you mom, even if it is not reflected in the words I say.
I love you mom, even if it is not reflected in my facial expressions.

I love you mom. And I know you love me too. You always do.

Salam to all.

There was this one time when my family and I went to Eq. We enjoyed the buffet. Loved the seafood barbeque. Alhamdulillah.

Anyway, one of the waiter approached us and asked if we would like to have some coffee or tea.

And my brother said: 'Teh'.

And you know what that poor waiter brought?

Latte.

Moral of the story: Sometimes, your mistake could bring you something that is even better than what you expected. That latte was really good~ =)

Salam to all.

Last night was so like crazee.

Crazee, crazee crazee.

Tido pukul 3 lebih bangun pukul 4 lebih. Tu pun tak siap siap jugak. Giler lah.

So, i think I've finished 95% of the whole thing. I'm so grateful that towards the end, everything seems to fall to its rightful place.

Malam ni sepatutnya boleh tidur nyenyak.

Rupanya tidak. Oh.

Quantum Computerku.

Chill out~

Salam to all.

PENAT.

I haven't print anything yet. I just realised tomorrow is 6th of May.

Rasa macam hypocrite betul. Macam tak ikhlas buat kerja. Yela, kena tipu tipu buat brainstorm semata mata benda tu kena ada. Dah siap draft yang dah elok punya, kena tipu tipu create 1st and 2nd draft. Tak efficient cara kerja kali ini. Berterabur. Hilang focus.

Quantum entanglement. Serious topic ni best. But I still couldn't grasp apa kaitannya benda ni dengan how a quantum computer works.

I'm crazee about 'My Hands' by D. Archie right now. Rasa mmg nak dengar je lagu tu setiap masa.

I don't feel like eating. Call me Miss Plum.

Sarah cakap. ada orang tengah blogging.

Yela. Stress. Mestila blog. I can punch this keyboard hard.

Oh, lawatan to Monash harini. I've been there once. Lawa tempat tu. Cantik. Building dia nampak modern.

If you sit next to me right now, you'll probably think that I'm trying to punch this keyboard sampai rosak. Tomorrow. Sabar je lah.

I think I should go back to take my essay and stuff. Maybe stay back at Taylors until 9 kot. I need to use the printers. I bet tomorrow mesti line panjang giler giler giler giler. And I'm 100% sure that for every people yang nak print tu, mesti bukan sehelai dua. Oh, kesabaran tahap maximum diperlukan.

Amazingly, I didn't sleep during class (at least until now: 3 periods before break). InsyaAllah will last until the end of time... Hahahahaha..

I have to go because Athirah is staying at the cafe with paah. With my bag.

I need to run. My heart's beating too fast. Effect of nescafe. The negative effect of nescafe. The good effect of nescafe pun ada.

OKAY LA...

Salam to all.

Tok Wea was admitted. InsyaAllah nothing serious. Amiin.

Tok Kalsom was having a fever last couple of days. InsyaAllah she will get better. Amiin.

Waiting for subuh. I can't believe I stayed up. But.. hmmm..

I'm in love with David Archuleta. Again.

Oh. Esok sekolah.