A Journey Beyond The Logical Mind

Salam to all.

I don't know if you're going to read this or not.

I've been selfish. I just think about me, me and me. I just care about what i want. I just complain and complain. i keep spending your money on something that is far from beneficial. I keep doing things that you don't like me doing. I always forget your advice, your attention and most definitely your love for me.

I always think that I'm right. Remember the time when you want me to go to MRSM? I said I don't want to go. The whole preparation for my transfer to Langkawi was eagerly done by you. From the very beginning, you got me the form and towards the end, you have spent a fortune just to get me ready for my boarding school life.

What was in my mind at that time? I was reluctant to go. It was clearly reflected on my face, I guess. But you didn't show that you're upset.

But, my experience at Langkawi was really an eye opener. It was a good thing to listen to you, and I should have known better. I'm glad I listened to you.

I don't know what else to say. It is my fault if you feel unappreciated. I don't know how hard it is to raise me. I don't know how many nights you have to sleep at the hospital wards just to keep me company. I don't know how much money you have spent for me, food, fancy clothes, school, insurance, extra classes, medical expenses, TIME.. I don't know how mentally frustrating it is to deal with me. I don't know how my face looked like when you're mad at me. I don't know how many rakaats of solat hajat you did for me. I don't know how worried you are about my well-being. I don't know how I made you feel everytime I said something.

You always surprise me. I expected you to scold me whenever I got poor exam results, but you didn't. You said that it's okay. It's okay to be at the bottom sometimes. And I wondered, why do I have to have such a negative perception on you. Argh. I hate myself. Arghhhhhh.

I love you mom, even if it is not reflected in the way I do things.
I love you mom, even if it is not reflected in the words I say.
I love you mom, even if it is not reflected in my facial expressions.

I love you mom. And I know you love me too. You always do.